Master Gunnery Sergeant Ken Etherton drives a big, gray dodge truck, one that requires passengers to mount it like an elephant, with a leap and a prayer. He pulls it into a parking spot in the assembly area for the 5th Marine Regiment.
“This is where the busses come to pick us up and drop us off,” he says, his voice made gravelly by years of smoking and barking commands. “This is where we got onto the bus to go to Iraq.”
“Wow,” I say. I’ve been saying it a lot this weekend, mostly in response to stories involving guns and smoke and shouting; other times, to the sweeping mountain climbs and plunges of North San Diego County, where the sunsets look like watercolors and boulders bigger than dump trucks litter the mountainsides. Now I’m imagining a simple, boring parking lot transformed into a scene of early morning goodbyes, some final, as mothers and sisters and sons and daughters and lovers throw their arms around jarheads in battle cammies, packs loaded for a deployment in hell.
Ken hops down from his driver seat. He’s 5’8” in boots, but built like a bulldog: square shoulders, thick chest, neck made of steel cables, round head shaved clean to the scalp. His eyes shine a maniacal blue, which is intimidating until he smiles, revealing two registers of braces on his teeth.
In two and a half years, MGySgt Etherton plans on separating from the Corps and entering the civilian sphere. Braces are the first step.
“There it is,” he says, pointing across the assembly area. “Shit, I’ve never seen this before.”
A red gate, the kind I imagine sitting outside a minor Vietnamese Pagoda, marks the entrance to 5th Marine’s memorial ground. Beyond it, the Pendleton mountains loom, like sleeping giants hunched over.
I stick my hands deep in my pockets and shuffle along with Ken towards the gate. He’s here to see the names of his fallen. I’m here to see one name, one we share, but one I own in a very different way.
Around the memorial grounds are stone slabs, each with an arrow pointing in the directions of 5th Marine’s battles, along with a distance in miles: Belau Woods, that way. Okinawa, over there. Hue, way the fuck that way. My shoes are standing on concrete poured to honor something I was never a part of, something I’ll never understand.
To our left, near the edge of the memorial grounds, stands a hulking granite slab with steel handles on top. This is a Texas Barrier, a roadblock used by U.S. forces in Iraq. It can stop an 18-Wheeler doing 50, and now, it bears the names of the 5th Marine dead in Operations Iraqi Freedom I-III.
No yellow ribbons here, nor any flags flapping proudly in the wind. The front of the memorial bears a simple, jagged outline of Iraq, surrounded by the seals of the 5th Marine regiments that fought there. On the back, the regiments are listed side by side, the names of their dead unrolled beneath them like a scroll.
Ken runs his fingers down the names, pointing out guys he knew, how they bought it. He points out two best friends who joined the Corps together, requested the same unit, and died in the same Humvee.
“And then there’s Chad,” I say.
“Yeah,” Ken says. “There he is.”
LCPL RICHARD C CLIFTON 3 FEB 2005. I run my fingers over the engraving. I lay my palm flat against it and push. It can stop a truck, but what can’t it stop? Time? Apathy? Me? I give it another push. I want to knock it down. That would make the papers. It would be the first time anyone heard of the 5th Marines, or the memorial they have here.
“Shit,” I mutter.
“I know,” Ken says.